Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Is the time ever really right for baby #2?

So one door in my life that was slammed shut when Joe decided to make a radical career change 4 years ago was the option of a 2nd child. Little One was 4 at the time. And I had been MORE than ready to try for baby #2 for a year, but Joe was so miserable at his job that he couldn't consider adding one more thing to his plate. Let alone such a major life changing addition as another child. That is a very brief synopsis of what has been an ongoing conversation and major sticking point in our marriage over the past 4 years.

I am from a family of 6, all by the same parents. I want little one to have siblings. But I don't want her to have siblings at the cost of our marriage. And Joe was so miserable in general that having a 2nd child really might have been the tipping point to us getting divorced. Is that too honest to share here?

So, after going back and forth on this issue of baby #2 for a full year, then the decision to make a career change happened after serious issues for Joe at work. I went back to work full time to support the family. Our income dropped by 60%. And now we had had to factor in tuition costs, while still having full-time daycare costs while Joe was in school. We've managed. We've just barely squeaked by. With some help during the first 2 years from my parents with tuition costs and the occasional "just because" check that they would send we made it. Almost 2 years ago I got off the mommy track and took a more demanding job that significantly increased my income. But still, our savings are down to a level that frightens me. We haven't incurred any debt other than his student loans which we kept as low as humanly possible. He will be done with classes and have his BSN at the end of Feb. Then all he has to do is pass the NCLEX (no concerns there) and find a job. :) With 3 major hospital systems in the area we live in I hope the job search won't be a long one.

When Joe heads back to work our income should almost double, even if he only works the standard nurse schedule of 36 hrs a week. Soooo, the question rears its head again. Is it time for baby #2? Is it completely ridiculous to have 2 kids that will be 8/9 years apart? Now that I'm back on the career track can I manage a full-time, mentally demanding job along with a grade schooler and a baby? We've held off on many major expenses over the last 4 years that are now coming due:
-both of our vehicles are going to need to be replaced in the next 2-3 years
- our mattress needs to be replaced
-I'd really like to move closer to either my office or whatever hospital Joe will be working at
-Those pesky student loans will be due 6 months after graduation

How the heck can we do all of that and have a baby? Joe is still planning to continue onto grad school while working to become a Nurse Practitioner. Is the time every REALLY right for a baby? If I waited until everything was "just right" I'd be in my 40's, Little One would be 15 and it would be a pipe dream. Time would have made the decision for us. If Joe was on board I'd jump in and just deal with concerns/expenses as they came. I've been off birth control for 3 months now, Joe knows it. I'm ready. Just not sure if he is, or ever will be. But I'm still not ready to shut the door on adding another member to the family. Tick Tock.

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